no, really

I’ve always admired some of the silly practices of the company I work for. They’re not beaurocratic or lame traditions - they’re effective and useful. One in particular is the 6-month retrospective. They name it the “How we doin” session. Here’s how it works:

1. schedule and sit down with your manager(s)
2. each about a few things that you (the subject) feel you do well
3. talk about a few things you feel you could do better
4. talk about how your manager(s) and the company could help you in your job/career
5. set goals for the next six months

It’s not held as a “performance review”. The goals discussed aren’t contracts or measurements for your success. I’ve found it’s a great way to really boil down where you’re coming from and where you’re going. Having only been through two, I’m not sure I could cite a trend, but it is really amazing how things change in six months. The goals that I had six months ago have either been accomplished in short order, or become moot. It’s a little like new year’s resolutions - things you know you can accomplish, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t.

Stuff I learned:
* no matter how much I feel like I’m not going fast enough in my career, I’m still growing and improving at a break-neck pace.

* all of the hard work I put in to being a better person and better coworker are really appreciated. I can make mistakes or not-so-great decisions, but as long as I work well with others, all is forgiven.

* I do know my strengths.

It helps to know I’m moving in the right direction. Now if only I could freeze the day so I can get in more work.

After listening to Bob Martin’s keynote The Prime Directive I have been doing my best to identify situations where people are getting blocked, and do my best to fix that. I’ve also come to realize a number of situations where I’m getting blocked. In few instances, there are things I can do to fix it. The most frustrating of those are the ones where I know how to fix them, I’m certain I can, yet I’m not being allowed to make that call.

This actually has manifested itself in a lack of sleep and last night I actually had a very frustrating dream that really worked nicely allegorically. In one instance, I was leaving (what I believed to be) a movie theatre. I left a group of friends and went on my merry way home, and as I walked (in my geographical brain, it seemed to be on the east side in the 20’s), the street started to appear more like an alley. There were raw brick building walls with fire escapes and dumpsters. The walls gradually got narrower and narrower, and the street seemed to go up a few stairs every ten feet or so. Just ahead of me was an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I caught up with him just as we reached the dead end of this long street. The dead end was literally that - the walls had come in so narrow, and the street had come up so far, and the overhangs so low that the end of it all was a one foot by one foot square where it all ended. We shrugged and turned back, all the way to the start of the street.

The next thing I can remember is being picked up at a train station by this old friend’s mother. It was suddonly like we were coming back from a long trip, and she was dropping people off, only, she didn’t feel like bringing me to my house. I ended up at theirs, and stuck. My house was too far to walk to with all my stuff, and there really wasn’t anyone I could call for a ride. I was pleading with her, and she was being unreasonable without explanation. Downright nasty too. Then I just changed. I stopped acting like the friend-of-her-son, and became an adult who was being treated unfairly. I told her, in no uncertain terms, where to stick it, and that she was driving me, and that was that. I woke up very soon thereafter feeling much better.

There is a pile of “very important” tasks that aren’t being tended to well enough ( in my estimation ), and with the current supervisor of all things tech going somewhere else, and the new CTO not arriving for three weeks - a lot of mold can grow.

I can relate this down to another situation I find myself in. There’s someone I tend to shut down when they step over that imaginary line. I’m certain it frustrates them - I see the result. I tell myself that my skepticism and reluctance to give lattitude are a result of poor justifications on their part, as well as demonstrated lack of thinking things through. I’m not doing enough to remedy those fundamental problems, no. But how would I try?

I get that feeling sometimes. This blog for instance - should I have started this two years ago?

I wonder sometimes if I would have benefited by two more years of programming training. On the other end, I feel like I’m two years behind where I should be in management (ooo the evil word).

Maybe it’s just the insecurity, but it’s like I’m arriving at the party a little late. Dressed nicely and with some great conversation topics, but still, just behind the pack.