no, really

There’s so much good music out there. This one touched me again tonight. I need to learn it well and sing it somewhere with a decent jazz accompanist .

Its not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me,
Oh no
Its just the nearness of you

It isnt your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation,
Oh no
Its just the nearness of you

When youre in my arms
And I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams
Came true

I need no soft lights to enchant me
If youll only grant me
The right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night
The nearness of you.

I know that this post will probably hurt a person or two, and maybe it’ll make some people happy, but if there weren’t controversy, would it be worth writing? So, I apologize in advance for any hurt feelings this may cause. If you need it, I’ll give you a hug upon request the next time I see you.

I’m sitting in the JetBlue terminal at Fort Lauderdale with tears in my eyes, fighting the uncontrollable urge to just break down right here. But these aren’t tears of sadness or pain or disappointment – I’ve had enough of those in recent months to know the difference.

These are tears of absolute joy. This past week has been the best week of my life, thus far.

For the past several years I’ve been growing as a person. I’ve learned so much, loved so much, and came to discover myself in so many ways. All of this while being safely wrapped in the safe and warm cucoon of my former relationship.

After a very difficult, painful and necessary breakup, I started to heal, a little at a time. I made some new friends, had some new fun, and started to feel like myself again. I was happy and comfortable and felt like I could face the world.

(okay, now I’m tearing like a baby)

I had planned a vacation for me and my ex to Florida for a week, but seeing as we were no longer together, I thought it best to go by myself. I figured it would be an excellent opportunity to be away by myself and unwind and get quiet and solitude to ponder my loss and my development. Boy was I wrong.

The trip was perfect. From the second my car arrived to take me to the airport, to arriving at the airport to go home, EVERYTHING has happened exactly as it should, and always in unexpected ways.

In Key West, I made friends, and met the most amazing man, who may very well be the love of my life – time will tell. It all played out like a movie, and I felt things I have never felt before. Wonderful things. I learned that I can feel again, as intensely and as uncontrollably as I had before – and more. Unfortunately, because of the way the universe works, we can’t be together – at least not now. Not because of circumstance or feeling, but because of location. There is a distinct possibility that will change in the near future, but again – time – I need to live my life and if it’s meant to be, we’ll be together again.

Now I stand at the precipice, faced with the rest of my life and all the options that lay ahead. I’m exstatic. I have the strength and the energy it takes to make the changes I need in my life right now. I’m not far off the path, but I need to get going so life doesn’t pass me by.

I can’t thank everyone enough in my life, but I will try. I owe so much to all of my amazing friends. The patience they have shown me in my times of need, and the joy they’ve shared with me in these amazing times will never be forgotten.

The first stop on the way to the rest of my life: the little boys’ room.

A lot happened in the past few months.  Some of you know all the stories, some of you know most of the stories, and the rest of you have no clue!  Sooner or later, I’ll talk about all of it, but for now you’ll have to settle with an apology for my silence, and assurance that I’m okay.

I’m going to be making some more personal commentary on here as is appropriate.  When possible, names will be changed to protect the… well… people.

If feeling things good and bad means I’m alive, then I’m more alive than I’ve been in a long time.